Leaning in to Relationships: Coping with the uncertainty of the COVID Crisis

We are facing a collective traumatic chronic stressor that forces upon us much uncertainty and unfortunately, fear and stress. This week’s episode of Sex Marks the Spot I’ll chat about how we can cope with the Uncertainty of COVID by leaning in to relationships with ourselves and others. I’ll chat about concrete strategies to build resilience within yourself to increase your window of tolerance and how to support others while maintaining healthy boundaries.

For more evidence-based tips, advice about getting Real about Sex & Relationships, I’ve got loads of info on www.DrCatalina.org or Subscribe to my: YouTube Channel Sex Marks the Spot podcast IG @Dr.Catalina_ Cheers! Stay healthy & Safe! Dr. Catalina

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Episode Transcript

Let’s talk about resiliency amidst this covid crisis and

how we can lean into our relationships with ourselves and

with others.

Hi guys.

I’m dr.

Catalina.

And for this week’s episode of sex marks the spot.

I really want us to talk about how we can.

Use resilience and build resiliency amidst the uncertainty

of the covid crisis.

Thanks for tuning in and if you haven’t subscribed feel free

to subscribe to my podcast wherever you’re hearing this or

to my YouTube channel or follow me on insta.

Okay.

So the reality is is that the covid crisis has put upon us

this existential crisis and amidst this uncertainty.

Our body wants three things.

It wants control.

Predictability and consistency all of which the covid isn’t

giving us.

We you know as things are beginning to Now open up depending

on where you live.

We don’t know what this new normal will look like.

So what we need to do is really begin to look within ourselves

and lean in To our relationships with others and take care

of ourselves.

So how do we do that?

First off when we think about resiliency?

The reality is is that our bodies humans are incredibly resilient.

We actually don’t can’t appreciate our resiliency until we

actually are tested and certainly we’re getting tested right

now. So So much of what we can now do is first and foremost.

Acknowledge acknowledge this uncertainty acknowledge any

fear loneliness irritability anxiety acknowledge those feelings?

Because you are not alone.

If you are feeling that there is nothing to be ashamed of

there is nothing that about being weak right now.

Definitely there is this Collective stress.

So acknowledging your feelings first next.

The idea is actually use this as an opportunity.

Our bodies want to fight flight or freeze.

That’s what our body and our brain wants to do right now

amidst this fear and uncertainty.

So instead what we want to do is sit we want to train our

bodies to actually build this resiliency.

But inherent in that is sitting a moving through these emotions

because all of that fear loneliness anxiety their emotions

And we can’t just change our emotions as much as we want

to it’s kind of like when people say oh just relax.

You know what that is.

I was I say to that fuck you.

I’m not relaxed.

So stop telling me to relax.

So what we really want to do is sit with those emotions and

that may seem very unrealistic.

But what you’re trying to do is pause and it actually is

a practice, you know, it just doesn’t mean that you need

to begin and put a Oman and start practicing meditation.

No, it actually begins to mean just take even a two second

pause if you can heighten your awareness to what’s happening

in your body.

Are you moving forward?

Are you finding yourself?

More Restless is your sleep changing starting to notice that

so that you can then reconnect with your body and actually

then begin to calm your body begin to regulate what we’re

trying to do here is increase our distress tolerance.

That’s what resiliency is is building up those calluses and

opening broadening that window of tolerance.

So that your body Knows that it can overcome this stressor.

It can move through it and it learns this bit by bit every

day so that once you actually are able to calm your body

and regulate then you can begin to challenge your thoughts.

But once the reality is is once it actually hits your Consciousness.

It’s generally to to quick.

Okay.

The next is is that what you can do on your own is begin

to just make small promises to yourself just one thing and

that’s realistic your body has begun to feel like it needs

to act on its own that you can’t protect it.

So now you’re going to begin to just make small promises

to yourself and I think showering is a great place to start

brushing. Teeth taking the trash out.

It does not matter but make sure it is realistic and achievable

just one a day so that if you begin to do that, then your

body will begin to build up trust in your ability to actually

take care and protect it.

Okay, and then now I want us to talk about how we can lean

into our relationships.

And relationships with ourselves and the connection we have

to our body and how we take care of it as well as others.

The goal here is is to actually regulate and tell our bodies

that it’s safe.

So first and foremost beginning to do some grounding exercises

for yourself breathing box breathing where you inhale four

four two three four, Hold two three, four, exhale, two three,

four hold two three four.

That’s one way or counting backwards and noticing your senses.

Five, four.

Three, two, one five.

What do you see for?

What do you hear?

Three?

What are you touching to?

What do you smell and through one?

What do you taste and hearing?

It’s in doing that what you’re doing is transferring the

brain activity in your brain from your amygdala your emotional

Center where you’re feeling that anxiety to your prefrontal

cortex the problem solving so that immediately you’re pausing

and you’re regulating your grounding yourself.

And what you can then do is is as you’re practicing this

when you’re connecting with others you can then Co regulate

with them and this is where things like starting off with

first making some eye contact with them.

When you are faced timing people try to actually look at

them in the camera connect your nervous system can connect

with there’s Tuco regulate and together.

You can move through it together.

You can both benefit from that connection.

And again, it isn’t me I do so much work online that it’s

palpable the amount of connection.

This is and what happens is that when your body that’s what

we’re our bodies are searching for it.

They’re looking the first place that’s going to look is out.

It’s going to look for these connections look for that support.

So when we leaned in on our relationships with others, we

actually Can connect and we can Co regulate our nervous systems.

The other thing that you can do is when you’re talking to

someone else and you’re noticing that they’re anxious and

they’re feeling overwhelmed.

You can begin to slow your breath.

He’s your tone put your hand on your heart connect with your

body to then ease and calm and connect with there’s sending

that calm energy their way again in this doesn’t matter how

far they are and you can do this over the phone.

You can do this over FaceTime FaceTime is great because again,

that’s where you get the idea.

You Can Dance you can begin to actually move your bodies

next week I’m going to be doing a ton for or facilitating

with some friends of mine for a taunt or shop and these are

ways that we can connect virtually there’s so many ways that

we can do this web by leaning in and connecting with ourselves.

As well as connecting with others.

I’m going to be breaking some more of these things down and

giving a talk this Friday.

So hopefully you’ll tune in and catch this later on YouTube.

So follow me on Instagram or shoot me an email and or check

out my YouTube channel, and I’m going to get deeper and deeper

into some of these topics.

Hopefully this sends a little bit of news for today.

Stay safe guys.

Take care of yourselves.

Stay connected.

Cheers.

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