Reflections for Singles, Couples & Friends
Are you living with regret? This week’s episode of Sex Marks the Spot, I’m exploring choices that we make in relationships as singles, couples and with friends. I’m feeling a tad tentative to share how I’ve been experiencing this being single at the moment and the surprising lack of empathy I’ve received from coupled others. I’ll also share perspectives I’ve received from clients and DMs about choices.
We’re all in different places, made different choices, and it’s up to us to make peace and learn from them.
When gaining insight- we try to take action to change regret, but here is where we need to tread lightly and act consciously and intentionally- so that we are acting to heighten our sense of living aligned rather than trying to make up or be worthy of better relationships.
I’ll introduce mental contrasting with implementation intention, a cognitive behavioral strategy where you imagine how it would feel as if, air with that. Next think of potential barriers that could come up and how you can tackle them currently, with the skills you have now. The key here is to visualize. Visualization is a powerful ancient science backed practice that can shift your memories and rewire your brain for new patterns.
Tune in to Sex Marks the Spot every Hump Day on ITunes, YouTube, GooglePlay, Stitcher, Deezer and the link in my bio. Comment + Share + Subscribe!!
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Let’s connect amidst the Corona virus.
Hi, I’m Doctor Catalina Lawsin.
And today I’d like to talk to you about connecting.
So if right now you are feeling incredibly stressed or worried
You Are Not Alone the reality is is that anxiety feeds on
uncertainty and fear and the Corona virus has provided a
feeding ground for anxiety all throughout the world so amidst
this current crisis I think it’s a really important time
for us to connect with ourselves and with others so that
we can together get through this.
As smoothly as relatively possible.
Okay, so I want to take this first off by just getting you
to begin to think how have you been connecting?
Have you been finding yourself?
If you are quarantined or self quarantining or and expend
properly social distancing?
This can be a very big period of isolation particularly if
you We’ll live on your own or if your partner or family is
stuck somewhere else because they can’t get back for whatever
reason. So if you’re feeling alone, we already knew before
Corona came here loneliness already was its own epidemic
and now with the coronavirus, I feel like so many of us are
going Inward and because we can’t go outward and when we’re
going inward, we’re having to process all of these fears
all of these emotions pretty much on our own.
So what I wanted to do is really take this time to figure
out how we’re connecting with ourselves and how we’re connecting
I know that I’ve been certainly pretty triggered.
I’ve been triggered by people who are either minimizing it
and if this is U by no means am I offending.
This is my personal experience, but when I read things on
social media that one or mal informed or incorrect, but also
I’ve seen Being I find myself triggered when people are feeling
scared and panicked.
I know my immediate reaction is a okay particularly if I
see it on Facebook or something.
I’ll text that friend and I’ll reach out but then I’ve also
noticed myself kind of refraining from engaging in certain
connections. And if I’ve already checked in on these people
that I find myself not necessarily going to maybe all the
same go twos that I typically we go to as far as my relationships.
So I say all of that in that I personally am surprised at
what is triggering what I’m what resonating to what I’m wanting
to connect to and throughout this.
I’ve really been trying to Stay as present as possible and
as connected to myself, I live on my own and right now with
work and everything.
I’m lucky enough to be able to work primarily from home and
and Certainly, I feel isolated.
So if you’re at all feeling isolated and even if you have
your family around you but you’re noticing that you’re anxious
one of the biggest things that anxiety is going to do is
that it’s it’s going to protect you and you can either put
up guards perhaps you’re feeling a little bit more distant
from other people or even or just overwhelmed when you’re
too overwhelmed your body will just kind of go and autopilot.
Okay, making the kids dinner.
I’m I’m Doing this work.
I’m sending these emails.
I have this conference call, you know with everything.
Goe a lot of jobs going virtual right now.
You’re juggling a lot of things in a new workspace so much
of the Corona virus has put us in new situations with no
preparedness, and we’re having to just a test.
So admits the suggest moment.
I think it’s really important to ask yourself.
How am I connecting with my self?
So beginning to think about how your body is actually feeling
and one noticing expecting that your body is going to feel
a bit more stressed than it typically does which means that
maybe you’re a bit more tense on your shoulders.
Maybe you’re breathing sweat faster, you know, if you don’t
have a fever right now, maybe you’re feeling more sweaty
or you’re generally feeling more fatigued.
Well, what is your body starting to tell you?
What are your reactions are you finding yourself?
Are you finding yourself more quiet?
Are you needing calm all of those shifts that your body may
be doing is your body trying to keep itself steady?
Okay, so begin to notice what your body’s doing?
How are you sitting when you’re at your table or or when
you’re watching TV?
Are you finding yourself more?
Crouched over are you opening yourself up purely by opening
ourselves up and keeping our head high.
We actually are welcoming this energy and we’re bracing ourselves
to to whatever is coming towards us.
It exudes confidence in our body.
So one thing to keep in mind is that to take care of yourself
and to connect with yourself through this is give yourself
a lot of padding.
Like assume that you’re walking around and you need all these
beds around you right now so that your body feels safe.
Okay, and it feels protected right now because again if unfortunately
you have the Corona virus or you’re worried because you know,
someone who does or you’re feeling isolated all of those
things are putting your body in stress.
So you got to give it some padding.
Okay when you’re connecting with yourself.
And what are some things that we can do to connect with our
cells throughout the Coronavirus?
try going for a walk outside.
And if you’re in a big city and you’re worried about being
closed again, keep 10 feet away, but go outside and get some
And if it’s super gray where you are in La it’s been pretty
rainy and miserable for LA.
But but still try to get yourself out and breathing some
are okay and and trying to actually give yourself somebody.
Assume that it’s under stress.
It’s needing to get rid of some of that.
So really trying to actually get out shake out some of that
angst or that that fear that your body naturally makes perience
So the other thing is is to really when you’re connecting
One thing is is to be very mindful of how you’re processing
all of this information.
Nation, you know particularly if you are on social media
a lot of there’s a lot of things that are going around some
of its accurate some of its not be mindful of your own overwhelm
and make your own boundaries for yourself of how much you
want to watch the news.
Like I know for me I kind of finished my day and I’m like,
okay. I need at least 32 minutes to an hour of my shot and
news for the day.
So I’ll like turn on YouTube and I’ll catch up on things
or I’ll look online.
And and but I gotta do it for me.
I gotta do it before like nine o’clock because I need to
start settling down because it is so triggering for me.
I get so upset and in this is not just because of the corona
but in general when I watch the news I have time to get very
triggered. So so be mindful of how you’re actually processing
a lot of this information and making sense of it know that
your brain may take some time to Actually organize this and
make sense of it right now.
We’re all in this mode of okay, just get through.
Just get through it.
Just you know, if you’re starting work from home this week
or if you’ve been doing it, you’re starting to get adjusted,
you know, just know that you’re still adapting.
We’re all still very much at the front end of this and still
adapting and then one thing is is Really notice how your
body is feeling when you’re reading things are when you are
watching the news or seeing posts, you know notice.
What becomes arouse notice do you get more tense?
Do you get more shaky?
And that’s when I want you to just put your hand on your
chest and just give yourself a little bit of love.
To just tell your body you’re safe.
Okay, and that and then carry on?
Okay, but again keeping some boundaries there.
The other thing that I recommend to do to connect to yourself
is engage in pleasure, whatever pleasure that maybe certainly
masturbation fits within this and this is a time where particularly
if you did just get paid time off and you don’t actually
have to work from home right now use this as an opportunity
to explore yourself connect with your body, you know, that’s
an opportunity where I think that was we don’t have time
for these things.
So one of the things that Corona Fire I think is doing is
trying to slow us down.
If you are an individual who is still in the thick of it
and you’re working in hospitals or you’re working and you
are you’re still in the grind again.
This is even more important for you to refuel your body,
you know so that you can carry on while keeping yourself
healthy strong and safe and connect it to yourselves.
So begin to see what resonates what’s feeling pleasurable
to your body again that can include Lewd touching yourself
or playing with yourself, but it also can include listening
It can make yourself a playlist and come up with fun songs
today. I went for a run on the beach because I was just feeling
so anxious see that I like went out on the beach and I looked
for Pumped jams or something like that and next thing.
I know I’m like listening to eight miles.
We like with it was like metal Rock in the background.
I’ve no idea what it was, but it was actually quite fun.
I found myself like running like this and when I say running
it’s more of a walk anyways, so.
this is an opportunity for you to engage in pleasurable activities
do the fun hobbies that you generally forgot to do or like
knitting if you are were into that and you forgot to do that
or you just haven’t done it for years paint do whatever it
is, you know connect with something that is brings you pleasure
and joy, because when we get hits a pleasure body refusals
Again, and it gets another opportunity for us to connect
with ourselves and to actually refuel keep our bodies strong.
Okay, and how can you connect with others?
So first off technology is great.
So sending FaceTiming people Skyping them sending voice memos
sending MIT video messages again, one of the things that’s
happening right now.
I don’t know if you are working from home, but You know the
internet’s no matter what time of day it is is definitely
a little slower particularly if you are in a city and there
is a lot of buildings around you and a lot of people are
using the same internet.
Unfortunately, it’s a little slow.
So take a video and then text it, you know, just or start
to using things like Snapchat or Tick-Tock things like that
to really just share your moments.
Those are opportunities for us to connect the coronavirus.
Can isolate and with social distancing I think it’s really
important for us to begin to get creative particularly.
Say you’re in a long-distance relationship or for some other
reason your partner can’t be with you or your family can’t
be with you right now.
Maybe they’re sick or maybe you can’t get out get out.
You know, whatever.
The reason is.
If you make those calls make those connections ring up that
friend who maybe you have it checked out checked in on and
a long time.
We’re also check in on the people who you feel like might
actually need it just to see how they’re doing be mindful
of what your intention is.
When you are trying to connect to others, you know, ideally
it would be it’s important for you to go in with with the
intention to connect often times.
Absolutely it is this is the time where if you need support
and you’re feeling overwhelmed absolutely reach out for it
and then acknowledge that that’s your Intention, you know
this right now is an opportunity for to let go of any ideas
or any any any of the messages that you have been bred with
that actually are telling you you have to go through this
alone. You’ve got to be tough you you don’t need to be scared
because if you are wanting to connect because you really
need that support and you’re wanting it again, you think
you don’t know it.
Soak that up.
This is a time where really we need to be helping each other.
So, you know begin to be very mindful that what your intention
is around connecting to others and again when thinking about
some of the activities so many people are just thinking that
we can just talk but I play poker here in Venice and with
a neighborhood group I met on next door and they’re absolutely
amazing and super fun and And so yesterday I was talking
to one of them because we’re not meeting because we’re practicing
social distancing and I was like, why don’t we meet online
and do that?
So we’re actually going to over setting it up and there’s
still going to be money.
Well don’t know if that’s legal but L.
It’s a friendly game anyways, and you know, but you can also
when you’re making your playlist share it with your friends
share it with your loved ones put it on your face time, you
know, like, you know do all of those types of things again.
Then all of those I’m going to actually be starting an online
chat or a place where we can meet on Zoom or something like
that and just talk or share dance together.
I’m not sure what the format is going to be but keep an eye
out for that get creative with technology so you can connect.
And again, this is also an opportunity for particularly.
If you have more time have more space don’t feel that pressure.
Where you Maybe work on some relationships that need tending
without that pressure of oh gotta get gotta have this one
conversation to get to this outcome.
This is actually a time where you can actually pace yourself
but actually maybe put more intention towards towards connecting
in particular relationships particularly, if you feel like
they’ve been they’ve been they’ve been distance or there’s
been some tension.
This is an opportunity for you to actually Reconnect and
build on that connection.
And then the other thing is is while we are trying to connect
particularly with social media or when you are talking with
people be very Mindful and I said this a little earlier but
be mindful of How you are connecting if you’re noticing yourself
getting overwhelmed or triggered amid some of these connections?
I encourage you to actually try to sit through it move through
it. Don’t disconnect again right now.
Your natural body wants to disconnect it wants to isolate
it wants to withdraw it wants to avoid that’s our natural
guard right now because it’s scared.
We’re all together scared.
So in your connections with others, whether they be through
technology or face-to-face be mindful of how you’re connecting.
Okay, and what energy are you bringing to that connection?
Are you actually connecting or are you?
Distancing or you pushing away?
Okay being very mindful of what is happening in that connection.
And if you are sharing information on social media, then
definitely there be very mindful of the information you’re
sharing or if you’re going on rants.
If you’re finding yourself blaming certain things whether
it be political or you know, anything that is trying to identify
some of Blame lay blame that’s natural.
We’re looking for a cause so that we can make sense of this
in our head but be very mindful of how you’re sharing that
because again that can be something and who you’re sharing
that with yeah, particularly if it is stood me in the public
because again is your intent to connect or to push away.
So the last thing is is really pay it forward if you’re connecting
your connecting with your delivery drivers.
Or if you’re connecting with others share, whatever it is
you have or give donations give tips help.
Let’s all connect paying it forward together.
Alright, I hope that this was helpful.
I hope that everyone stays safe sanitized and protected together.
We can contain this together.
We can move through this and feel free to shout out.
I appreciate any feedback.
Follow me on YouTube and I’m going to be posting this I’m
going to resume my weekly podcast on Wednesday sex Mark the
Spot you can find it on anywhere podcasts are and on Institute.
Catalina Lawson or Facebook or Twitter or any of those places.
I’m pretty easy to find.
All right, take it easy guys.